I think we all know by now that social media is going to be the death of us. Right? A valuable time-suck, heartless wasteland of aestheticism, and place where conversation goes to die. Yet, here I am closing the Instagram app and reopening it within a minute.
Last summer, my best friend and I made a bet (stakes were a nice set of pajamas) on who could stay off of social media the longest. That’s the aspirational shit.
Anyway, I was listening to a podcast about the cult of veganism. Then, I saw that one of my favorite Bake Off bakers had made a chocolate cake - and it’s vegan. Yesterday I had no such intention and today I am influenced. Inspired? Influenced? I can’t even tell anymore. It was the confluence of my media intake and now I’m doing exactly what it told me to do.
Plus, I wanted to rant.
Anyway, I made the cake. It was utter bullshit. Instead of buttermilk and eggs, I used coconut milk and applesauce. And guess what? It was terrible.
That’s not fair. The cake tasted fine. My impertinent method was terrible.
I’ve done vegan baking before. It’s one of the occupational hazards of baking things for people for money. It’s never turned out quite this badly before. I have theories why (not getting paid for this, not serving it to a friend, etc), but mostly I think I was just over it before I even started. I think I spitefully willed its failure into existence.
No biggie.
Anyway, the cake irreparably sank in the middle. The frosting was soupy (not a sought after frosting texture). The crumb of the cake itself was gluey. Apart from wasting ingredients it doesn’t really matter much. I didn’t get a great cake out of this futile experiment, but I did learn a bit more about vegan baking.
In the meantime I’ll be consuming media about how to open a privately-funded yoga retreat in Bali and hoping that I’ll manifest it into existence in a similar, but more successful, manner.
Vegan Chocolate Cake
2c sugar
2c flour
3/4c cocoa powder
1tbsp baking powder
1tsp salt
1tsp baking soda
1c coconut milk (or other alt milks)
1tbsp apple cider vinegar
1/2c canola oil
2/3c applesauce
1tbsp vanilla
1c hot coffee
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In the bowl of a mixer, combine all of the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, mix together coconut milk, apple cider vinegar, oil, applesauce, and vanilla. Pour into dry ingredients and mix. While whisking constantly, add in coffee. Pour into baking pan and bake.
Vegan Chocolate Buttercream
1/2lb vegan butter
1/4c coconut cream
1/2c cocoa powder
4c confectioners’ sugar
1tbsp vanilla
Whip vegan butter and coconut cream together until light and very fluffy. Add cocoa powder. Beat in sugar in portions until combined. Add in vanilla and mix for about five minutes.